Dying Creativity

im prone to live a life
im done fighting for.
im stuck in shoes
i can’t run in.
well they all say its not
that easy when your alone
no one feels your shit
no one lives it.
they wouldn’t know…
i still eat stale words
i sleep in them
ignorance is no ones friend
rap songs unwind your worst
feeling
cards are their for dealing
friends are their
to make sure you come out
lower then them
while you conk out
because your too weak to say
you have what it takes.
and sweat turns into vapors
you breathe.

i remember this scenario
over
and over
again.
complexions to pale
to speak.
were frozen on solid nothing
and still nothing comes out stable
and nothing beats for nothing.
my wobbly legs in
the living room.
the haunted tunnel,
and my frozen fear.
did we really sink this far?
i come home to her
and she
says
while you were gone
we sunk the plastic ship.
now there’s a double meaning
for me
behind the shipwreck
while
i’m
surfacing my emotions
like the bobbing life vest.
i wake up
and
im still the same mess.
with a deep understanding
and sure of nothing

we are past the inert objects that
did nothing for the fast pace lives.
and swerving in and out of change
and more change.
we are searching
for a fixed feeling
and ending up in front of cold doors.

i wake up in my room,
everything is finally silent.

til everything seems
wasted
til we all get sick inside these lines
we dose on everything
that makes a mistake.
we never give up
i never collapse
its forged from the deapths
of human disaster
a choir could chime it
better than a lover.
i could scream it
worse then this weather
with lungs slightly dimmed
when you left
me in the ash
in the air with the clutter.
i would stay alsleep
if i weren’t this creative dexterity..
if it weren’t for this composer
i wouldn’t be this sane

so i write to you dear ones
who burn emptiness
like thin flames,
underneath the hour
under a fractured frame.
broken bones
noble tones
screaming air.
were inspired by darkness
so i write in these dark hours.
you know my name.
it started in simpleness
and bent beyond my galaxy
with one word.
but no matter how long
time takes,
you will know my name
be careful with these days
they burn like flames.
and we sparkled in their moment
and became flushed in its radiant
wonder.
we ended on a cliff
your breathe was a sigh.

you wake up at 3 am
with this on your mind
nip sucking
lip lusting mold is
ruining your alibi.
its left a crease between your eye
brows

i recycled the words you used to describe
me
and made them true
when i called you a liar.

so i tell myself
this is just a dream
this is just a dream
we are shadows
and your not really with me

he says it once
and im in lasting aww
recycling the words
again
again
and again

only once

despite our differences
were all dieing from the same
disease
.time.

when i draw someone
its the same lines over and over again
when i talk to people
its the same conversation
when i meet someone
it the same person.
it makes us sick
but the system never grows old.

the world doses on upheaval
and were spinning in its high.
so we all want change
but everything stays the same
with more motion sickness.
they..
the matter of this peaceful looking
disaster causing planet
wander in and out
til they wined up in erratic phases
causing nausea and panic
their
just wanting a new way to end.
lets just put an end
to shoving sedation down our throats
with large pills.
its just people’s solution
to peace of mind
because they can’t handle
the irruptions thrown at them
called life.
its just to big for their hands.

were all cut short,
its all short lived.

what we need,
is emphatic resistance

no matter what
i will make a new emotion
every curve that hits the page.
i am the difference in shape
i am the negative space.
it’s in my blood.
un-medication
all natural
red blood.

frames and photos
last winter
and last summer
if i could have made you stay
with me.
if i had it in me.
the clouds would still have color

corresponding voices in the wind
with parallel waves
pointed in one direction.
reminding me of when things
used to last
but nothing is static

this is
all hitting me
all at once.
the words you said
once had meaning
i have warn the essence
til they are thin on my bones.

we all think we know when it’s real
soon it will all be a deviating dream.

we are all caught up in it’s branches
ripping every corner of clothing
wraped around my innocence
i didn’t know
you…
would leave

the penalty is yet the same..
stay awake
and stay sane.